Dad

It's been an interesting week. I'm just trying to get back totally into the swing of things. Some may not know, but I lost my Dad unexpectedly at the age of 56 on August 30th. My Mom had the hard task of planning Dad's funeral on their 38th anniversary -- that was a difficult day. It just seemed surreal to be picking out a casket and making arrangements for Dad. It still feels that way, four weeks later.

We had spent over 4 days in the hospital with Dad in intensive care from a massive stroke in the left hemisphere of his brain. Every time we spoke to the doctors, hoping for some good news, it just didn't come. I could tell that they desperately wanted to give us some hope; I certainly wished they could. On Wednesday morning, the 30th, the neurologist prepared us for the next 24 hours by informing us that in his opinion that would be the longest that Dad could last. He used the words, "his death is imminent". It still didn't really sink in.

I went about the morning, trying to make sure everything and everyone was taken care of; praying for Dad, and certainly for Mom. In a moment of reality, I asked the Lord to allow me to be there in the room with him when he passed. Determined doesn't even describe the emotion I felt in regards to being there with him as he left this world.

That afternoon, at around 5:30pm, my Mom's pastor came out into the waiting room and told me that I needed to go back "right now". I knew it was happening. God answered my prayer, and I was able to be at my Dad's side, holding his hand, rubbing his arm, telling him how much I loved him and that everything was going to be OK and I would take care of Mom. I hope he was able to hear me. Either way, I took comfort in remembering the first 24 hours after his stroke, when he could still understand me and I had the blessing of being able to say one last time, "Dad, I love you."

And just like that, at 5:50pm, he was gone. It still doesn't seem real. It seems more like one of those dreams that you wake up from, which are so vivid and so realistic, that you can't immediately decide whether it really happened. I know it did, but how do you grasp something like that?

The Lord almost immediately impressed upon my heart some words that I believe He wanted me to speak at Dad's funeral. I know that it must have been from Him, because of the way it came to me. I would like to share the words, as best as I can remember them, which I hope and pray honors my Dad for the great man that he was.

"First of all, I would like to thank everyone so much for all of the prayers, encouragement, and support. We have been so blessed by so many family and friends. I would like to specially thank Riverside Baptist Church, Sugarloaf Community Church, and Cypresscare, and there are so many others. Dad would have been very pleased by the love you have all shown for our family.

As I thought about Dad in the last couple of days, many words and thoughts have come to mind. Many of you knew Dad, but I'm sure that some did not know him personally. So I am going to share these words and thoughts with you. For those who did know Dad, just remember. For those who did not know him, I hope this gives you a good glimpse of what a wonderful man he really was.

Dad was:

• Brilliant
• Confident
• Fiercely Protective
• Mom, he was romantic
• Reliable
• He had the highest integrity, and taught me to always act with the highest integrity
• He was ornery, sometimes
• He'd get mad, but be over it in minutes
• Trustworthy
• Private
• Hilarious, he had a great sense of humor. He really was a funny guy. I don't know if it is good or bad, but I think I inherited a bit of that from him.
• Opinionated. You never had to guess where he stood on anything.
• Loving, in his own way
• Loyal
• Particular, about his things and about his family
• Very unique, there will never be another like him
• Simple
• Un-assuming
• Not pretentious. He didn't think too much of himself and didn't think too much of those who did. He never put on airs - he was who he was.
• But the most important word to me to describe him was -- DADDY.

Thank you all, and God bless you."

I miss him already. My daughter, Hannah, was sitting in my lap a couple of weeks ago and was obviously upset about Granddaddy. She said, "Daddy, I don't think I will ever get over Granddaddy dying." I replied, "Honey, you won't ever get over it. My Granddaddy died when I was about your age, and I still get upset about it sometimes. That's OK. You will always miss him, and you won't get over it. But, I promise as time goes on, it will get a little easier and a little easier."

It's hard to see that right now, but I know what Dad would have said (I've heard him say it so many times): "Death is a part of life, and life goes on."

Thanks Dad. For everything.

Things Change

So, it's been a while. Well, a lot can happen in about a month. Life can change radically, but one thing that helps (when the changes aren't always that great) is that I know the Lord has a plan. In tough times, it's cool to see the intricacy of God's involvement my life. I just don't know how folks live through some things without that hope.

I'm going to try and get back to my schedule, 3 or 4 times a week. Keep me honest! I have a lot to let you folks know about.

Clarity

Sometimes in life, it seems that the Lord brings you to a point of clarity. In the last couple of weeks, the last 12 hours in particularly, He has made obvious some things that I was unsure of. Now, I'm not talking about little things, I'm talking about big, life changing things. It's scary, but the one thing that keeps me from losing my mind (what's left of it) is that I know that He has spoken.

I will share more later. Right now, just help me pray that I will know what the Lord is saying and act immediately on His directions.

Running Fool

Today was our church's yearly Sugarloaf 5k. The weather was GREAT! Last year, the temp and humidity were almost unbearable and my official time was 26:12. This year, I beat my time by a whopping 2 seconds: 26:10, not bad for a 37 year old.

The really cool thing is that Jamie (my wife) and I ran as a husband/wife team and placed 3rd with a combined time of 56:49. We didn't get at trophy, what's up with that!?

My next race is the Lightning 10k in Sandy Springs. Should be fun!

Ceiling Tiles and Beans

I don't know exactly what my malfunction was today. I walked out of my office twice and left my keys inside. Luckily, our facility manager was around for my first brain lapse. The second time, I wasn't so lucky.

So, there I stood. No key to my office within 10 miles or more, other than the one within a few inches, separated from me by a barrier of drywall. I looked things over and decided if I could find a ladder I could go over the wall, and through the drop ceiling. One of our youth (lately we call him Beans) made the mistake of saying, "You won't do that."

Is that a fact?

I found an 8-foot ladder in the furnace room; just tall enough to reach the bottom of the drop ceiling. Once I finally got the ceiling tile out of the way, avoiding the large metal pipe and fiberglass insulation, I determined that I had enough space to squeeze into the ceiling and stand on the top of the wall. All the while, my audience is growing. By this time, there are four folks standing below me in the hallway with eyes wide wondering if I was that insane. I figured they would know me by now, for Heaven's sake. Beans was still taunting me: "You won't do that." Dude, don't you see me with my head in covered in ceiling tile rubble and fiberglass insulation?

Finally, I was able to sit on the top of the wall with my legs on the hall side. Over my shoulder I could see my keys. That kind of ticked me off, so I had the fleeting thought of someone holding my legs while I dangled down to get them, but it didn't take me long to rethink that one. I'm not completely insane, after all.

I stood up on the wall's edge, grabbed a fortuitously placed 2x4 above my head with both hands, dangled over one of my padded visitor's chairs, thought "Lord don't let me die", and let go. With a loud thud, I came to safe rest on the chair's seat.

As I opened my door from the inside, the crowd that had gathered stood and stared for a second. Their eyes seemed to be saying, "I can't believe you just did that." Then Beans said, "Man, I wish I had a video camera so I could have recorded that". Thank goodness he didn't. Then I certainly would have mangled at least one important body part. You know, Murphy's law. (By the way, Murphy needs a beat-down.)

Just another day at the office.

Milestone

I could tell that I was approaching a crossroads in my life and ministry. The Lord just gives me a sense of these things for whatever reason. Sometimes the changes are good, sometimes not. This time, as it turns out, the changes are incredible! God is opening up some unbelieveable opportunities for me. More on this later, so stay tuned!

I ask myself so often, why in the world does the God of the universe care to take personal interest in my life. It certainly isn't because I deserve it.

His Strength

I just can't understand what would possess someone to want to kill themselves and 300 more people with them on an airplane. It's a good thing that I don't understand. What deep hatred must be in their souls. The strange thing is that they would think themselves quite religious individuals. I'm not into religion, I'm into a relationship with Jesus. Thank the Lord for His protection, and great job to the hard working folks that caught these psychos.

Today I attended the Willow Leadership Summit. I've only heard Bill Hybels speak a couple of times, but his talk this morning really hit home. He spoke on the life cycle of a leader. Towards the end, he told a story of what he called a 'defining moment' in his life. He was in Zambia helping to hand out large bags of food grade 'mealy meal'. A young woman whose husband had died of AIDS, and who had two children of her own, had taken in an additional two children who had been orphaned by AIDS. She was a small woman, and couldn't pick up the bag of food so she started to drag the bag down the road. He decided to help her carry it to her house (which turned out to be 2 miles away). As he walked along the path talking to the woman, he said that the importance of succeeding as a leader in the church hit him hard. He felt the Lord saying to him, "Bill, if your leadership fails, people die." Man, what a responsibility we have. The rest of the day, that same statement has echoed in my mind, "Bill, if your leadership fails, people die."

Lord, give us as leaders of your church the strength to succeed.

Not Too Smart

Here's a good lesson for you: Never run a 7 miler outside during a heatwave.

Somehow, I missed the fact that we have had temperatures in the mid 90's lately. I'm just so darn tired of running on the treadmill!

When I finished my 90+ degree 7 miler, my only thought was, "You idiot."

Friends

Just a thought: How boring and tedious would life be without friends?

I have been blessed with some truly great friends. I consider them a direct blessing of God. I don't know specifically why, but I was thinking about that a lot today.

I'm even thankful for Bo.

No Technology Required

I know this; you realize how much you are dependent on technology when it isn't available! Our church's server and internet connection has been down for a day or so, and it really has put a monkey wrench in the the works. E-mail, internet, sharing files; what do we do without it? How did we function before it?

Oh well, I suppose it doesn't hurt to get out pen and paper and pick up the phone. It's a good thing we don't have an IP phone.

I had a thought: Do I depend on the Lord even as much as something like technology? If He were "not available" for a time, I think it would become quite obvious how much I need Him. In fact, I believe He does pull away a bit sometimes (at the same time, He never leaves us) just to remind us how much our lives truly depend on His love, grace, and guidance. It may be painful for a time, but it is a true act of love on His part.

I just thought of something else. It's a good thing I don't need e-mail, or even a phone, to contact Jesus. He's always there, and He will always listen. No technology required.

Old is Relative

It's been an interesting month! I've led a mission trip to Costa Rica, vacation, pastor's retreat, and in the middle of all of that work and family. It hasn't lent itself to spending much time blogging. The weird thing is that I really do enjoy this.

My kids are amazed by the funniest things. As I was writing this entry, Hannah noticed me typing and said, "How are you doing that!". Now, keep in mind that I am not a particularly great typist, but it looks impressive (as long as no one notices me hitting the backspace key hundreds of times). I told her that I took lessons when I was in high school from a wonderful, and eternally patient, teacher Mrs. Terry. Get this: on an old IBM Selectric typewriter! Believe me, I don't feel old!! Is 37 really old? When I was 16 it seemed ancient. Now, I delude myself into thinking that it is still 'spring chicken' age. My friend George likes to say that "Denial is not just a river in Egypt." To which I respond, "What were we talking about?"

Well, knocking on the door of the big 4-0 is a strange place to be. I have learned by experience now that it creeps up on you. It makes me wonder if the next 40 years will go by as fast. It just reminds me that I MUST use every moment wisely.

Just Babbling

I ran the Peachtree Road Race for the third time yesterday. Just me and 55,000 of my closest friends. Man, it was HOT! That is definately not the race to get a personal best. I can tell you one thing; I slept well last night!

Today was my first day back to work after vacation. Do you ever have one of those days? Not that it was such a bad day, just crazy and somewhat overwhelming. I have lot's of those lately.

I have heard it said, "Attempt something so huge for God that it is doomed for failure unless He be in it." Now, I don't know if what I am attempting is that huge, but it certainly feels like it! God seems to be teaching me what it means to lean on Him at an all new level. It's interesting, but I look back at my life in Christ since I accepted Him in 1999 and I can see the relational ebb and flow. Not that He has ever abandoned me in any way, but there have been times when I was so close, and other times when I was so far away. The really cool thing is, I know He will never leave me. I have a friend that sticks closer than a brother. It helps me to remember that when I see that the relationship has reached one of those ebbs that seem so inevitable.

I'm babbling. The bottom line is, I'm so thankful that Christ's acceptance of me is not based on anything I do (or don't do). I am accepted. Period.

I'm also thankful that I didn't have heatstroke in Piedmont Park yesterday.

Don't We Always Need Another Week?

I just got back from vacation on the Redneck Riviera (Panama City Beach, for those who only know the more common name). We had a great, restful week. The kids really seemed to enjoy themselves, and Jamie and I ate mighty well. Our favorite place is called "Angelos" and has the best steak I have ever had.

If you know me, you are probably surprised since I normally don't eat beef at all. Well, I break that personal rule only a couple of times a year, once on vacation at Angelos and the other when I visit Moscow. Angelos because the food is AWESOME, but Moscow is a different story.

When we go to Moscow on mission trips, generally we visit the McDonalds on the way out and on the way back into the city. Unfortunately, the only thing that seems like a safe bet is a cheeseburger (they call it the "Royal Cheeseburger", aka "Big Mac"). I just can't bring myself to eat the unrecognizable cubes of processed mystery meat that is listed as "chicken" or "fish". I know better than that! Of course, come to think of it, what makes me think that the cheesburger is actually beef? I suppose it's like they say, what you don't know won't hurt you.

I think I just need another vacation.

Various Ramblings

Tonight, I spent some time at Hamilton Mill Community Church, which is now our North Campus. Something struck me. Here we were, two separate churches, now becoming one body in Christ. The spirit of unity was so obvious, that I could tell that only the Lord could accomplish something this cool. What an exciting time for our church, but also for me as a pastor!

So, Father's Day is almost over. I had a pretty good day. It was busy, to be sure, but I was reminded how blessed I am.

VBS was last week, hence the hiatus in blog entries. It was worth every moment I spent! I was able to teach 260+ kids about missions for 5 days straight, and get to know many of them. My plan is to make this part of my schedule each year. Who would have ever thought that I would enjoy teaching kids that much?!

One quote that has stuck with me recently was by Albert Einstein. Loosely quoting Al, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." The Lord is stretching me in this area, since I tend to be a "if it ain't broke don't fix it" kind of guy. I'm having to instead become more of a "it may not be broke, but break it and then fix it and it will be better" guy. That should be quite interesting.

Unfaltering Reliance

I'm in the process of reading a great book by one of my favorite authors, Leonard Sweet titled "Summoned to Lead". Half way through, it's an awesome read, but that's not what I want to talk about.

In the book there is a quote from 19th century cleric William Ellery Channing* which says:

The greatest man is he who chooses right with invincible resolution, who resists the sorest temptation from within and without, who bears the heaviest burdens cheerfully; who is calmest in storms, and most fearless under menaces and frowns; whose reliance on truth, on virtue, on God, is most unfaltering. (emphasis mine)

Wow. That's the guy I want to be. Lately, I have been praying that the Lord would show me what it means to truly lean on and trust Him. I think I have done an OK job of this in the past, but I feel in my spirit that He is calling me to an all new level of trust and reliance. It's exciting, because I have many challenges ahead in the coming months. You would think I would be worried and completely stressed, but oddly enough, I am at peace. Maybe I am on my way. This kind of calm in the midst of a life storm can only be supernatural.


*Mr. Channing was a Unitarian Universalist, whose theology I disagree with. In any case, I believe that you can learn something from just about anyone. This quote was also attributed to Stoic philosopher Anneaus Seneca.

Prayer Walk

I just wanted to share my notes from the prayer walk that we hosted last week for our Vacation Bible School coming up next week.

"Tonight we gather to walk our property and pray the Lord’s blessing on our VBS program. I was reading the story of Hannah from 1st Samuel, and something struck me. Hannah prayed for a child for many years. She was barren, and had to endure taunting and the despair of a woman who could not bear children. So what did she do? She took it to the Lord. She told God that if He would only give her a child she would dedicate him to the Lord’s work for his entire life. The Lord heard her, and answered her prayer. Samuel arrived not that long after Hannah’s desperate prayer. Hannah was true to her word and dedicated Samuel to the Lord. In 1 Sam v.27&28, it says:

“I asked the LORD to give me this child, and he has given me my request. Now I am giving him to the LORD, and he will belong to the LORD his whole life." And they worshiped the LORD there.”

I think this is what the Lord is asking of us today. He has blessed us with children, not just as mother’s and fathers, but also as a church. We are to dedicate them to the Lord and PRAY for them as they grow. It’s not a cliché, they are the church of tomorrow, and the world is not getting to be an easier place to live. Their challenges we cannot even comprehend right now. The prayers we send up for them now, in 2006, will be the foundation of their ministries and their dedication to the Lord in the future.

We want a very successful VBS this year. We are praying for over 300 kids to take part. But the bottom line is not in the numbers, or in the success from a human perspective. The bottom line is: Did these precious children grow closer to our Lord? Did kids who had no knowledge or understanding of salvation receive Christ as their Lord? This needs to be our prayer tonight. As we pray for many things, this is the measure of success. A success that will bring glory to Jesus Christ, and not to us. That, He will be pleased with. And when it is all over, we can do the same as Hannah and Eli did when the miracle child Samuel was dedicated: We can worship the Lord in His sanctuary."

It's Been a Long Time Since I Rock and Rolled

Hiatus. Gap. Space. Lull. Pause. Break. Call it what you will. Man, has it been that long?! I really do like doing this blog thing. I have learned, oddly enough, that I like to write. So why not make more time to do it? Good question, time to fix that one.

Anyway, craziness of all craziness. My life is rolling along, sometimes it seems a blur. Does anyone else experience that?

Lately, I have come to the realization that I need an all new level of reliance on Christ. I have so many responsibilities and I don't want to screw things up. Well, if I have anything to do with it I will. If Jesus has anything to do with it, things will be greater than I could even imagine. Not only that, but HE will get the glory.

If I come up with any great insights on what it truly means to rely on the Lord, I'll let you know. In the meantime, I'm just going to pray and trust.

Washing Dishes, Again

What is it about washing dishes that causes me to ponder life? If you have been reading my blog long, you will remember another story when I caught myself singing a song and it took me to a place I wouldn't have expected. Well, it happened again. This time, it was so much more special.

As I was soaping up the pot in which the potatoes were cooked, I found myself again singing. This time it was the classic Joe Cocker song "You Are So Beautiful". If you have ever heard this song, it's what I would call a tear jerker.

I happened to look up and into our living room, and there was my daughter Rebekah. She was sweetly humming an unknown tune, and lovingly putting up toys that she hadn't pulled out. Man, it hit me. What a beautiful child. How blessed am I. God, I don't deserve to be so blessed. I felt an overwhelming need to hug and tell her how much her daddy loves her. So I did. I hugged her tight. I kissed her cheek and said, "Rebekah, Daddy loves you so, so much." Her response I'll never forget: "I'm so glad you're my Daddy." I squeezed tighter. I told her again that I loved her. I didn't want to let go.

Now, not many things bring tears to my eyes, but after that I boo-hooed. I wept almost uncontrollably on and off for about 20 minutes. It touched me so deeply. I wish I had the talent to describe what that felt like, but I have decided that it is absolutely beyond any words.

That wasn't all. Later, I hugged all of my beautiful children tightly as they went off to bed. Then, I went up to the girls' room to tell them goodnight. I kissed Rebekah and told her again that I loved her, and then she put the icing on the cake. She whispered, "You're the best Dad ever. I love you Daddy." How could it possibly get any better than that.

I don't really feel like I am the best Dad ever, but I want to be the best Dad I possibly can be. My children have been entrusted to me by my heavenly Father, and I don't take that lightly. Sure, I've had times when I messed up bigtime. Then again, I've also done some really good things. My prayer is, "Lord, make me the kind of Dad that you have been to me. Help me to have the same unconditional love for my kids that you have for me, one of your kids."

I get a picture of Jesus looking down and saying, "Bill, you are beautiful to me. You are my creation, and I love you. I love you in spite of your failures, your faults, your often wavering faith. I love you, and you are beautiful to me." How could I ever deserve that? I don't, and yet He loves me anyway. I hope and pray that my children ALWAYS know that I will love them no matter what, and they don't have to do anything to deserve it.

Miracles Still Happen

So, I took 2 weeks off from running due to my bum knee. I can tell you, that was tough! During the entire time, it seemed like a cloud was hanging over me. The uncertainty of when I would be able to get back on the road was, at times, almost unbearable. I just don't feel as good when I'm not running.

This week, I started again. Monday was not very encouraging. After getting used to runs of up to 20 miles at a time, 3 miles shouldn't be that big of a deal. You'd think. It was less than half a mile into my first run in many days that my knee started barking at me. Barking like a rabid rottweiler. Bummer, 2 weeks off didn't work. What a rotten way to get back into one of my favorite activities. In any case, I finished the 3 miler, somewhat dejected.

Wednesday morning rolls around, and I'm on my way to work. I was listening to one of my heroes, Mark Rutland, on tape. He was talking about how the Lord healed him of some debilitating back problems early in his ministry. Some old ladies found out about his struggle, and they prayed over him intensely. He was healed. The doctors tried to write it off as a mistake, but he was having none of that. It was an awesome sermon, and I didn't really think that much about it for the rest of the day.

That is, until I finally was able to work in my Wednesday run. Normally, I like to run in the morning, but as things worked out, I didn't get the chance until late evening. I figured, surely I can get in 4 miles. Don't want to overdo it.

I hopped on the treadmill, punched in a 10 minute/mile pace, and I was on my way. Amazingly, no pain after half a mile. No pain after 2 miles. Holy moly, no pain after 3 miles! Then it hit me; I think the Lord has healed my knee! Simultaneously, I recalled Dr. Rutland's sermon from earlier that day. Surely not. Surely it's just a fluke. Immediately, my faith was starting to waver. Could I believe, in faith, that the Lord had healed me, even though I was approaching the 4 mile mark with not so much as a twinge of pain? I have to admit, I still had my doubts once the run was complete. But, the Lord was still dealing with me.

I don't run on Thursday, but I noticed that the ever present dull ache in my left knee was no longer there. Weird. My faith was starting to grow.

Friday, my long run day. Still a bit hesitant, I went to the gym, as is my normal routine. Again, on the treadmill I passed 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 miles. No problem. You know what the coolest part of that run was? The Lord clearly said to me (not in an audible voice, but I knew it was from God) that I would have no more trouble with my knee. Incredible.

Another really cool thing that came of all this is that my faith has been grown and strengthened. Why in the world would God do that for me? It seems so small, and you may think I'm insane (wouldn't be far from the truth), but I know what the Lord did for me. If that doesn't help keep me humble, I don't know what would. Thank you Jesus.

Quick

My task list grows, and my blog entries get shorter. I suppose that everything in life has a balance. Maybe folks like shorter entries? In our fast paced, task packed lives, who has time to read? Who has time to rest? Who has time to relax and enjoy time with our friends and family?

One last question: Which is more important, getting our task list completed or living fulfilled and contented lives surrounded by those we love - and those we love knowing that we love them by our actions?

Yeah, life is in a balance, but if I were unbalanced I think I would rather tip on the side of relationships.